Allow Me To Explain

16 Feb

You may have noticed that I have been a bit absent over the last few weeks. Well, there is a reason for it. I felt that I should offer up an explanation to you, dear readers, who have begun to invest time and interest in the Oatmeal wedding journey.

I lost my job three weeks ago. Was it due to an unfortunate lay off, like many, many others out there? No. Sadly, it was within my control. I was simply let go for my sales performance. I worked in the medical device industry, a field so cutthroat at times, so rewarding at others, and simply stated: difficult. My sales numbers over the last 6 months were lacking, I was not having success in the call points I was being forced into, and well, this is what happened. You see, I have never actually failed at anything major in my life. I’ve always been a success-driven person, type A as all hell, a go-getter, a winner. And here I am, in the middle of my engagement, three months before our wedding, supposedly one of the happier times in one’s life, and I fail at my career. If, for nothing else, this is incredibly humbling.

I’m not writing this post to complain. I have taken accountability for it, begun to reevaluate what I want to do with my life, and decided that I may not be the right person for a sales career. My former employer was a stellar example of a company. I was honored to work for them, and I truly mean that. I have no ill words to say about my experience with them, and I am so grateful that the first two years brought me incredible success in my role. I now have to move on.

Mr. Oatmeal and I just purchased our first home, and while we are going to be financially okay, this will certainly force us to readjust our priorities and spending habits. This was not simply a loss of a job; it was also a loss of a car, insurance, a lifestyle, my fierce independence, and my pride. I was blessed to have been given this opportunity and these benefits with such an incredible company, and I have learned so much about myself, my abilities, my talents, and my shortcomings.

Mr. Oatmeal and I have decided that I will begin looking for a new career path after our honeymoon. We are 86 days out, and I am in no place emotionally to begin a job search. Until then, I will plan, craft, DIY, pack, move, enjoy, live, and love to my heart’s content. Is this the right move for everyone? Certainly not. But it is the right move for us Oats. The mister has been so insanely supportive, and I don’t think I could have even written this post so soon without that. I haven’t been in the right mindset to blog, but I think I’m getting there. I’m slowly beginning to embrace the free time and see this as a blessing in disguise. We all encounter different “seasons” in our life, and I know I was put here for a reason. I simply cannot wait to look back on this and say, with confidence, that I know why it happened, and that I’m a better person for it.

Well you know the saying, “When it rains, it pours” … we just received notice that Mr. Oatmeal’s unit is being called up for a year-long deployment in September. He is in the California Army National Guard, and frankly, I thought he would escape another tour before his 8 year commitment is up in May. And while he can choose to leave the Army in May, I know him like the back of my hand. He will stay in for this deployment, because that is just who he is. We’ve been through one deployment before, and while I do know what to expect, this time feels different. Yes, we have months to mentally and physically prepare for it. Yes, I knew what I was saying yes to when I said yes. No, it isn’t easy.

And so, I will leave you with this: a thank you to the one who has continued to support me in every way, even on my worst days.

To the one I will marry in 86 days,

You are someone I am so proud and in awe of. You’ve served our country for nearly eight years, and you serve our community on a daily basis as a police officer. All of this is done without complaint. The year you were away from all you love, the long days and seemingly never-ending hours in the city you help protect, missing out on countless family and friend functions over the years…and not a single complaint. You accept your responsibilities without question, without objection, and without arrogance. You are certainly not the only soldier, but you are my soldier. My rock. My everything. And it’s because of this that I recognize you for doing what I will never have the courage to do.

Captain Oatmeal… I love you, I thank you, I admire you, I am so blessed to be with you.

It seems pretty obvious that every engaged couple encounters their own unique set of challenges leading up to the big day, and this is simply a part of ours. I will be okay, we will be okay, and I hope that you will continue to follow along, on the good days and, more importantly, on the not so good days.


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